Few life events evoke such rich and complex memories and desires for families as Christmas.

     Christmas is clearly intended to be a feast for the spirit, and for the senses.  Too often, it becomes a banquet for the appetite.

     Nearly every family we have worked with expresses a desire to have a more meaningful Christmas, and a regret over some aspect of  Christmases past. There's a common lament about gift giving: It has gotten out of hand. 
     Often we give gifts without being clear as to their intention.  How many parents choose gifts for their children to assuage guilt for working long hours?
     We often ask, "What is the meaning of Christmas?"  Perhaps we could ask, "What feelings are we trying to capture, or recreate?" Could it be to know that we are O.K, or to confirm that we care, and that we continue to hold out hope for how we wish it to be?  Family relationships based on trust, love, kindness, acceptance and perhaps most importantly-forgiveness, is a dream for many of us.  Let's talk about those gifts.
     For families who wish to adopt a different pattern of exchange this Christmas, we suggest:

 

- Clarify your intentions regarding the spirit of Christmas. 
- Discuss with the family your desire to start a new gift-giving tradition. They may look at you as if you have lost your mind, or they may just give you a knowing smile. 
- Mull over a list of potential gifts. For every item on your list, identify your intentions and ask yourself: Is the gift an apology? A substitute for what does not exist in the relationship? Or is it part of a legacy, a symbol of true value and understanding?

 

     We believe the point of a gift is to represent how important someone is to us.  It can be someone we do not know well, such as a teacher, or it can be a loved one, to whom  we want our gift to express our understanding of who they are and what is important to them -- to let them know we care, that we thought more about them than ourselves.  Almost without exception, the greatest gift is our time and expression of self. 

 

     Before Robert Frost was a famous poet, he was very poor. Rather than purchase gifts, he stayed up late and carved toys for his children.  If the Frost children were having a yard sale today, do you suppose you would find those toys for sale?  Take a moment and consider which of the gifts you give this year will be in a yard sale and which will last for generations. Fond memories are never for sale. 

 

     Perhaps this is the Christmas to start a tradition to introduce a special gift; a gift of self.   
- Set limits on spending, and stick to them. 
- Suggest at least one gift be handmade. 
- Give a gift from the whole family to someone in the community, or a favorite charity.

Invite the holiday spirit to set this time apart.
A time FOR-GIVING.

 

Very happy and healthy holidays to all...
Rob Spear,  Gloria Waterhouse,
and the rest of us at Deliberate Directions

Rob Spear, Dream Round-Up Board Member

 

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