TO BE A BETTER HUMAN
Alice is working in her home office, and her kids are playing in the next room. She hears an argument start, and the next thing she knows it's escalated to a fight. She's tired and needs to concentrate so she can get her work done. She yells at them. They quiet down. With a heavy sigh, she goes back to work.

 

An employee at the family business shows up late for work. This is unusual, so Ted (the boss) lets it slide. The following week she's late again. Again Ted lets it slide. The next day she's rude to a customer. Ted's HAD it.  He calls her into his office for a conversation about the standards she must meet if she wants to remain with the company. Her behavior returns to "normal", but her attitude seems sour.

 

Alice and Ted enroll in marriage therapy. For the last 2 years they've fought almost daily. Thanks to some things they learned in therapy, for the next few months they have no fights. Then out of the blue they have a bad day. In the next session they complain bitterly about each other. He did this. She did that. You know how it goes.

 

Three different situations. Parenting, work-related, and marital. Did you notice the common thread? It's the clear pattern of negativity in how Ted and Alice perceive and interact with the world. It influences their orientation to life. It's how they approach everything. It's reinforced by the news media, and in popular books, music and movies. And it's destroying everything in their path.

 

Focusing on the negative is easy, because most everybody else is focusing on the negative, too. It's catchy. It becomes as natural as breathing, and it influences everything you think, feel, see, say, and do. It makes you critical and difficult to please.

 

All kids want attention. When a parent yells at them, what do they get? Negative attention. What kind of interaction is it? A negative one -- everybody feels bad, including the parent. And the children are given the clear message that they have done something bad. They may even be told that they ARE bad. It can have a lasting effect on their self image. A large percentage of my patients report that they never could please their parents, and they carry that into adulthood.

 

Many parents are so focused on the negative that they don't even notice all the things their kids do right. They can't even see it.

 

What about Ted, and how he interacted with his employee? What about his marriage to Alice? If you were in their shoes, what would you have done differently? In a future newsletter, I'll tell you specifically how you could choose a more effective and constructive path. Trouble is, if you're heavily focused on the negative, it'll be a lot easier for you to ACT positive if you first BECOME positive. So here's what I want you to do.

 

During every waking moment, force yourself to look around and see the positive in everything. Hit the "reset" button on your daily radar -- set your radar for positivity. I'm not suggesting you try to see everything as good -- that wouldn't be realistic, and you wouldn't be able to maintain it. Instead,  sharpen your eyes for the good that you've been missing. It's all around you. Sounds corny, I know, but trust me --  if you keep it up, you'll experience a physical, psychological and emotional attitude shift. Once that shift has occurred, you'll become a positive focus in your family, your job, and your community. You'll be happier, you'll be closer to your dreams, and you'll be a better human.

~Daniel S. Hayes, Ph.D., Dream Team Board member

 

KEEP AN ENERGY LEDGER
Here's a thought. List the positive vs. negative thoughts and feelings you have today. This will be your "energy ledger". Think of your energy ledger as a teeter-totter. One side is positive energy, the other negative.

 

Now, take a good hard look at the environment you choose to live in -- the people you hang out with, the language they use, the topic and tone of their conversations, etc. Look at the TV you watch, the music you listen to, the movies you rent.

 

Do you see how you automatically tip the teeter-totter in one direction or another, without even giving it any consideration? The fun part is, you can shift the weight on your teeter-totter almost immediately by simply changing the influences around you -- without making any difficult changes in yourself. Then, start working on those thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, one at a time.

 

Depending on how skewed your positive - negative balance was to start with, it may take some time before you see your teeter-totter's positive side win. But let me assure you, it feels great as you start to get results.

 

Brad Dugdale
Dream Roundup Founder
(Adapted with permission from The Dream Manual, by Brad Dugdale)

 

 

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