Would you characterize yourself as a person who is good at meeting other people's needs, wants, and desires?
How adept are you when it comes to meeting your own needs, wants, and desires?
And what about successfully getting others to meet your needs, wants, and desires?

It's the rare individual who is well balanced with respect to all three. That's not to say it's particularly difficult to have that kind of balance. It's just that in most cases, your balance depends on your origins. In other words, your family.

 

You emerged from your family of origin with certain strengths and certain weaknesses. That's to be expected. It isn't a problem as long as you'll allow someone to identify where your upbringing fell short, as all do in one way or another, then get help boning up in those areas. Unfortunately, most people aren't even aware of their deficiencies, so they don't seek that much-needed assistance.

So what? Well, let me give you an example. Let's say you're very good at taking care of other people's needs, but time and again you're in the habit of ignoring your own needs, and you're uncomfortable with the idea of asking for, or accepting, anything from anybody else. Over time, people stop offering help -- they know you'll refuse it. If you have children, they get into the habit of getting you to meet their needs, and they learn that they don't even need to consider yours. 

There's a strong chance your kids will go out into the world pretty self centered, and they may have some difficulties to overcome in that regard. And, the script you're writing for your own future is full of anger and resentment, thanks to all your needs, wants, and desires that never saw the light of day. You've denied your own dreams, and eventually something will blow.

On the other side of the coin, what if you're one of those people who are very good at meeting your own needs and getting others to meet them, but when it comes to being sensitive to the needs of others, you're clueless? It's not that you're a bad person, you're just in need of a little remedial education. You're likely to have difficulties of a slightly different flavor, but suffice to say your interpersonal and business relationships could be in for some rough sailing.

Let's fast-forward now to your "golden" years, and say that even though you've always been one of those people who likes to be in control and do all the giving, now you're suffering from some age-related problems that make it absolutely necessary for you to have help. But you never learned how to accept it graciously, so you're constantly fighting it, denying it, and heaven forbid if you should actually accept and (horrors!) acknowledge it! Can you imagine how this can interfere with your care, and how it can result in hurt feelings and resentment on the part of family members who have made sacrifices so they can take care of you?

These sorts of imbalance are among the root causes for many divorces, family rifts, ruined friendships, and failed business relationships. The good news is, they can be corrected, if you're willing to do a little work.